"One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed." -Douglas Adams

"Everything in life depends on how that life accepts its limits."-James Baldwin

"Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens." -Arthur Gordon

"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." -Carl Gustav Jung
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Feeling like it is time to stop struggling so hard. Maybe it is time to give up and relax for now. Perhaps I am not supposed to walk more than I am now. Fell again Sunday. Thought I broke something in my foot. Swollen. Painful. X-rays cleared me - yeah! Walked over the threshold into my friend's house last night for the book club I've missed for over a year. Lost my balance once and nearly fell, however Jane was right behind me with my wheelchair. I stood up again and finished walking into the foyer. Sat in my wheelchair and had an abdominal spasm. Everything ok afterwards.

Will I ever be able to improve my endurance or am I just kidding myself? If I work harder at it will it happen? No answers to any of these questions now. Will I have the motivation to follow a strengthening, endurance improving program or will I be just like I always have been and not carry it through? Can I believe that I have changed enough since the accident to maintain the level of motivation that I have had over the past two years and eight months to continue?

Why not. I have been working hard three times a week. I am different and will never be the same as before. Keep my mind open and allow room for change. Think I'll ask a friend to be my exercise accountability partner when I'm on my own as a little insurance to help me keep pushing.

I identify with the first quote today about having my body surgically removed! It is a royal mess! I remember a line from one of my meditations during which I identify the parts of my body that are tense, aching, or stiff and am instructed to exhale into the areas one at a time, breathing out the tenseness and allowing the area to soften and relax. In fact, I tried this one while I waited outside for my ride to therapy. Not enough breaths available to soften this spasamataz body today!!!

This meditation session ended with a surprise (absolutely no connection with the event - just kind of cool). When I opened my eyes, a beautiful, multicolored, ruby throated hummingbird buzzed from flower to flower on our empty feeder, then flew over to me, right in front of my nose with it's feathers fanned as it hovered in place as though to say, "HELLO!!! I need more nectar...NOW!!!" I could feel the soft breeze created by it's rapidly flapping wings and noted the individual feathers adorning each wing. For a brief moment, the bird looked directly into my eyes. Don't forget!