Mornings

Awaken or not, daily, sometimes tortured choice
Who’s in charge of direction?
Pull the covers over your head, shrinking the world
To a manageable size, block out the light, chaos, noise
Or, open your eyes to the day, noting your thoughts
As they float by, one by one, remembering,
They are just thoughts, we determine the meaning,
Their power in our day, in our story.
Today, the world shrinking won for much needed rest,
Or so I rationalize, sleeping away another day,
Scolding myself at each point of wakefulness for failure, avoidance,
Refusal to confront and tackle, forgoing self-care,
Medications not taken, nourishment avoided,
Cleaning necessity procrastination, catheter issue - again
The small seem larger than life and large impossible
Remembering to note and label these thoughts,
Letting them go, blocking their role as part of the story
We tell of today, promising ourselves that tomorrow
Will be a new day, sarcastic echo, really? We’ll see…

Carla Steinbuchel
2/24/2009